Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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