i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
