i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
