Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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