Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
