everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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