i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
