The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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