I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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