No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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