How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
