I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My cat gives me a boner
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
