we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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