He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
