I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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