Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
