how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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