did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
