The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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