margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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