Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
