i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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