I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
