he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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