Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
