Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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