I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
