Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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