Betty ford says i'm here all night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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