I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
