I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
