butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
