i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
