btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
