the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
