wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
