we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
