PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize