go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
