Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize