woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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