I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
