I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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