she was so not down for the gang bang
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
