Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
