Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
