Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
