Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
