Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
did i walk over a car last night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize