Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
