I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize