When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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