some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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