thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You ruined the universe
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize