I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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