dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
