Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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