you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
