The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
