Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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