fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
