Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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