Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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