mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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