Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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