Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
