Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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